Options and Play

by Richard Reeve on October 4, 2008

in Sand Box

The Sand Box

A colleague at work tells the story of taking her young son into the store once when in a rush and telling him to make a pick from the multiple choices to be discovered in the treats aisle.  The boy was overwhelmed with the options and it shut him down.  In her time constraint, there was no room for his indecision.  The rest of the story went pretty bad; tears, arguing, no treat.

I’ve seen similar things occur when providing too many options for my six year old son at play time.  Even worse are those times when he shows a desire to create a project and he gets stuck gathering the materials.

Obviously being able to handle choices are an important aspect of growing up.  As parents, we need set some age appropriate parameters that will not lead our child into that god awful feeling of overwhelmed.  I think that the primary school methodology of creating stations in the classroom is right on the mark.  To that end, we have designated different areas, the sand box, the craft area, the science corner, the computer, the board game table…  These areas provide a context to the activities pursued and guide our son’s focus.  In theater there is a sense of stepping into the sacred circle when being on stage.  I think it’s helpful if we stage these separate activities, so our children can enter fully into the creative rolls that play can and hopefully will lead too. 

(afterthought: in some respects this concern speaks of abundance.  Many the story from elders and in literature of a childhood spent with the one worn out doll, and the abundance of imagination that flowers from that poverty.  Clearly a lack of options can lead to quality play…)

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  • I agree with David, my son is now 16 and he always had troubled making decisions. I see it today, but I think he is beginning to recognize he has to make decisions on his own. Why can't we have it all?
  • I can relate to this very well. When my son was little, he would be "traumatized" by the number of choices at the candy aisle. Finally, we worked it out to where he would pick 3 options, I would say no to 1 of the 3, then he would have to decide between the 2. Don't know if that would work for anyone else, but he is now 21 and can walk up to a candy aisle and make a decision usually in a minute or less. (Although I sometimes see him discreetly running through the old process - playing both parts! :-)) )
    David Miller
  • Interesting and thoughtful post. Things are certainly different today than when I grew up in the 40's and 50's. My dad was a farmer, my mother a homemaker. We were quite poor, but didn't know it. Our family was large, and we grew up not with toys and computers and structured playtime, but with a sense of freedom and choice. We read a great deal. listened to music, and spent Saturday nights around a big old Zenith radio. My, how times have changed!
  • Juliann Grant
    Funny but that is true. I confess to have had a few barbie dolls that I constantly played with and my imagination was wild. What I had was time alone to play, and a few items I loved. On another side, sometimes we get stuck on focusing on what we don't want, vs. what we really do want and chaos/disappointment ensues. Example: This week my grandson was having a melt down because he wanted a turn at the drum set while my son was playing around. All he could do was whine over the fact that he was not getting his turn at that moment. So I asked him why are you so sad? And he said whined "not my turn, not my turn" so I said "But you are going to have a turn" and still whining "not my turn" and I asked "Let's think about having your turn" and he looked hopeful and smiled and I asked "What will you do when you have your turn" And he marched proudly all over the deck, drumming away (on nothing of course). Then when we went inside, he got his turn.

    Don't we all do this? I know I do. I can relate the challenge of your colleague's child worried that he didn't have enough time to choose his special treat, and possibly your son worried that the didn't have all the items he needed, when in fact they both had everything right there all the time.

    Thanks for the stories!
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