But we regress…

by Richard Reeve on November 22, 2008

in @CCSeed

family gathering on an old west wagon

The holidays are upon us.  Yikes!  We are traveling to visit with family and friends in anticipation of Thanksgiving.

A quick reflection on a comment I can’t reference other than I heard a psychologist make it:  “when we gather with family, emotionally we regress at least ten years.”

Does that ring true?  Have you been is situations where all of a sudden things that have no bearing in your current life situation come flying out of the woodwork at the holiday table.  My sense is that we can all relate.  The challenge I think is one of acceptance, and the recognition that the regression works both ways.  The contagious “foot in mouth” is assailing the whole table, not just you.  How do you prepare for the holiday gatherings?  I try to hold my comments for at least an extra beat…

(Image by freeparking via Flickr)

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  • Family gatherings have the power they do because they bring us closer to where we started, not necessarily where've we gone. These family patterns have strong reverberations on our souls, whether we're conscious of them or not. Glad you brought them up.

    My grandfather introduced me to Jung at an early age. It's good to know serendipity brings us together. @scottyhendo
  • I would suggest that the purpose of the gathering would dictate the regression period one enters into or evolves from. In situations where a child of a parent is asked to effectively "parent the parent", it may be that regression doesn't occur at all, although there may be sentiments of regret or reminiscences of times past. I would further suggest that the familial relationship throughout the formative years would also dictate the period of regression one might potentially enter into. Additionally, key events that happen during holiday seasons may also impact the virtual age one regresses to---for example, if a child lost a parent during the holiday season, the one may regress to that virtual age during subsequent holiday seasons.

    Your idea that we all regress at least 10 years at familial gatherings is quite interesting. It might be interesting to examine what happens in gathering of families with adult children. Speaking as a parent of adult children, it is often hard to remember that they are no longer "small" and living in my household, although they always had their own minds and exercised them!
  • Regress TEN years! That's simply ridiculous. I regress at least 30.
  • In years past I would get a knot in my stomach when it was time to visit my family for the holidays. Being a bleeding heart liberal in a room full of conservatives always makes you a target. Although I loved them dearly and knew that I was loved, it was still a little difficult. Today my childhood family, mother, father and brother are gone. My brother died just this year. What I wouldn't give for just one more day of looking forward to being the target.
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