I’m thankful, at least, that I can take notice of it, that I might turn that tide.

Thank you for the reminder.
Jeb

I think the irrational mind is only irrational with respect to conscious attitude / conceptual frameworks. It is certainly rational in that.. will, many years of evolution forged our instincts.. and now the trouble is how do we modern people relate to our own humanity.. especially those darker depths that seem somehow at odds with the value system of our times…

Of course Campbell talks about this.. lets go play in the labyrinth in search of the great values lost by our times.. perform the task of differentiating between eternal and spacetime dependent truths.. to meet whatever the challenge is..

It’s also expressed in that.. the ratio of the world of the known to the unknown is about 1 to infinity.. God being the symbol of that ultimate mystery.. and isn’t it the context of anything that provides the meaning of anything.. and how does one live when the ultimate context is mystery? I mean in that sense that.. what a thing is, at least consciously, is how it differs from a norm?

So our poor wimpy conscious mind, with the ego standing at the center.. the task is to find that bogia tree.. that grows at the true center of the whole self.. so that all of fear and desire might be transmuted, philosopher stone style.. in our support.. and after all.. doesn’t anxiety have a survival value somewhere?

Perhaps I’m something like Job.. but that I gave my self over to God’s values at 3..

In any event.. my life has a nice thick plot..

I’ve thought of this much.. in Freud’s terms.. the issues of sustaining a wish, and how this relates to the construction of the shadow.. The issue of what wish / will might find it’s resolution and fulfillment.. If what we know is so limited, how can we be the judge, and yet its our judgement that’s defining it.. our judgment that builds the labyrinth.. builds the cages we live in.

At this point in my life.. I’m risking a future enantiodromia because I refuse to give up on wishes that have been defining my life since I was at least 3 years old. I have enormous fear and anxiety that I might go down in flames… somehow be destroyed.. should the wish not find it’s fulfillment. I am simply too committed to it at this point.

But I’ll tell you a secret.. that wish.. that was a secret pact I made with God. But can you really believe in God? Perhaps when I die I’ll have to leave a formal complaint! But I’ll also tell you.. that every now and again.. there are these whispers in the silence.. it’s as if the very surface of reality.. as if it were God talking to me. And I must say.. he seems to forever be encouraging my rebellious ways.

Err.. but I must stop rambling..

For years I tried to always do everything from the head. I was raised by a strong “ST”, so I always thought that was how you were supposed to be. It was after I took the Myers Briggs in my late 20s that I realized that I just wasn’t the person I was trying so hard to be. I devoted my 30s to figuring out who I really was inside and what I really wanted out of life.

I’m still working on finding my path in life (I’m 46 now), but I’m finding the path much less rugged than it was when I was trying to follow someone else’s path. I’m much happier on my path, more willing to embrace what I know to be truth instead of always questioning myself, and more willing to work hard to get somewhere now that I have a better sense of where I’m actually going in life.