Play is both easier and harder than we think, precisely because thinking has little to do with it.
The other day while I was with my daughter, she suddenly got pretty agitated with me. At eighteen months, the few words she has are not yet capable of expressing her frustration. Finally, through some charades like acting she made it clear that she wanted me to get out of the rocking chair where I was sitting and join her on the rug.
Symbolically, the message was the same. Come down to my level Dad. And the emotional tone of the moment shifted immediately once I hit the carpet.
What followed was “as if” she said: check out these blocks. Do you like the yellow one? Watch how they fall when I try to stack them. You try. Wow, that’s really high. Whoa…watch out…hahaha. It’s great to have you here Dad. Where have you been anyways?
__________________
Hey folks! Would you participate in this informal reader’s poll? (Just two questions…thanks)
Playing with shells and water
Jeb asked a great question in the comments which I felt the need to elaborate more on:
“What do you do, Richard, to encourage the imaginal in your children? Is it just a matter of letting them think/feel/believe what their young minds naturally do? Without imposing the limits of society on them (“oh stop it, that’s not possible, you can’t do that, that’s not realistic”)? Or is there a more proactive approach?”
My sense is that there are many things that can be done, but the most important is providing a holistic environment that moderates the overly rational knee jerk reaction that says “no way!” every time the child formulates an idea or expression that does not quite seem to fit with everyday reality. (It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? The scientific mind frame now perpetuates the same type of tyranny and violence upon the imaginal as the religious mind frame that attacked it when early discoveries undermined the prevailing world view.)
So what can be done?
1. Allow dreams to be acceptable topics of discussion at the table. My response to Jeb in the comments included: The easiest is to have casual discussions at the breakfast table revolving around the previous nights dreams (if the content is appropriate that is). These conversations send the message that the images left by the unconscious in the margins of consciousness have value and are to be honored. I’ve found that the unconscious responds to our intent here by providing suitable, fairy tale like dreams.
2. Go on journeys where the inquisitiveness of the child determines the route. This can occur in museums or out in the woods. Tidal flats along the ocean are fabulous.
3. When playing, do your best to enter into the imaginary world the child has erected, adhering to the specific rules they see fit.
4. Read myths and fairy tales from around the world together.
5. Find an appropriate balance with the consumeristic world of toys and games. that is targeting them. These products tend to fill in all the gaps without allowing the imaginative faculty to strengthen. Note, in the image above, our daughter’s favorite pastime this summer has been playing with shells and about an inch of water in that small bucket out on our deck.
6. Immerse children in the imagery of art history reaching back to the cave art, so they can build up a catelog of imagery that is not limited to the peculiar “marketing” imagery of our day.
7. This takes a bit more foresight, but devise situations where the child can discover you at play. Imagine how surprised the child will be if when asking the question “what are you doing?” the answer is not bills, chores, etc., but instead “I’m imagining that these little marks I’m drawing in the sand along the lake are mighty rivers.” (Jung spent hours creating rivulets with a stick until the end of his life whenever visiting his lake side retreat). This of course requires an understanding of the value of play for our adult healthy mindedness.
8. Share imaginal visions handed down through all traditions: Elijah, Black Elk, Jung, etc.
9. Cherish opportunities for family campfires…they are a shared primordial experience.
10. Playdoh; paper, sissors and tape; sidewalk chalk; the sand box.
11. Caring for plants and animals, both provide an interesting reciprocation of being beyond the parameters of the human for the child’s psyche.
12. Discover geography (earth writing) together, not in regards to political maps, but more along the lines of watersheds and divides. Puddles as lakes, vines as jungles…How does the water flow through your terrain? Where does it come from and where is it going? Once the rain falls off the roof, where does it go?
13. Encourage journaling of any kind, in images, lists, audio recording…blogs.
14. Don’t rush to fill in all the blanks…not knowing is OK. But it takes a developed negative capability.
"eyes of the world"
(for those looking for more material, searching reverie and imaginal on this blog offers some further reading along these lines.)
Ben playing in the grass
So my first thought when I looked up from my pitchfork full of hay was, “I asked him to help me a few minutes ago, what is he doing?” The second thought: “Man, that’s gonna itch.” Then finally I broke free from the inner critic and saw what was before me with open eyes.
A boy at play, lost in his imagination, perhaps pursuing an Imperial tie fighter in a Star Wars battle. More likely he was riding the back of a mythical creature. The first words to came out of his mouth once the spell was broken were “you know, a basilisk can turn you to stone like the Medusa if it looks you in the eye and you look back.” I could have asked, but I’ve come to respect the sanctity of the imaginal realm that he can so freely engage.
There’s certain positions and postures that seem a prerequisite to have a thought like that. Kids know them all. Kids know summer.
I went through a decade where I was convinced that fun should be a four letter word. It’s not that I didn’t want to have fun. Instead, while I and my peers made having fun a main goal, each group activity was sorely lacking it.
Playfulness is serious business for a boy of seven and a girl of one. I get to observe it every day. Yet serious business does not preclude the spirit of joy, which rather quickly brings me to my point.
Fun, like happiness seems more byproduct of meaningful engagement then the aim of it. Fun is not a primary goal. Children just jump into play, sometimes tossing their energy freely into the next whim, and other times pursuing a direction until all the entire line has been played out. And they let themselves get lost in the unfolding while the imagination comes to bear on the present (perhaps even stumbles out of the woods of the unconscious like a bear).
Tomorrow I’m going to do what I can to get lost in what presents itself. Maybe I’ll bump into you way out there. I think it’s time for the hibernation to end.
Undoing Frenzy within Social Media
Lifestream Digest for November 15th
The Proof is in the Pudding